Life is a struggle

"life is a constant struggle to greatness, each day its own battle. Some people try real hard to get where they want, others fall down and give up. Life is a war, a war on many things, a war on survival and so on. As we wake each day we should give thanks that we are still able to wake up. Each day we are dying but people dont want to think that way because the ywant to think that death is sudden. No death comes slowly, each passing moment we are dying. From the moment if birth we start the process of dying. Some peoples process is faster than others but in the end we all die. Life is so fragile as a flash and bang of a gun driving the 9mm bullet into the human skull could end what we call life. Everyday we over come the odds, odds that are stacked against us all since in the end we all die. No one can cheat death for ever, like cheating on a test, eventually you get caught and face the consequences. Pain is only a part of life as we go on, happiness is the ultimate reward. Some times happiness comes at a grave cost, but some people earn happiness, even though they are in great pain.People get confused what happiness really is, happiness is the ability to feel good about something that changed someones life, even if you had to bend over backwards to do it. Happiness is a beautiful thing. Each passing day some people gain happiness, others lose hope and only remeber what happiness was. But the worst is those who have yet to discover true happiness. Those who find it know that it is a powerful reward to recieve. Be true to yourself and you should live a life of happiness, and be able to die a happy person.

one of my first recorded writings

The pain seems like it is never ending, every word she says only causes the tears to go. The more she says the more intense the pain, all seems lost. Head throbbing, the red water starts flowing from the nose, staining anything in its path. All thoughts are blurred and slurred. Choking for air, all breathing is difficult. Eyes streaming tears, soaking the face and hands as the hands wipe away the tears. As time progresses those feelings of pain and sadness turn over to resentment and hatred. Wanting to inflict pain, make her suffer as this. Deep pants as the air comes surging into the lungs, all thoughts hell bent on revenge. Thoughts of forgiveness seem far away. Then the sight of her makes the anger and resentment slowly die, and the feeling of shame and lost pride emerge, choking out al the anger that has welled up inside. Forgiveness is o so close, thoughts finally cleared up again. Then all the sorrow is gone and forgiveness is achieved. Hopes arise that maybe one day things will work out after all.

soldier

A whirl wind of words spiraling through my head, my mind a battle between two worlds. Images flashing by, real and fake, driving deeper into the relm labeled insanity. Dreams slowy trying to make themselves as real as possible, scarying me when i feel what is not there. The haunting touch of the non-existant curses me in the twilight hours of many a night. The non-existant suffering i endure in those hours that are so haunting is slowly dismantaling my serenity. I am a soldier, my battles are not fought with guns and explosives, so my soul has not been haunted by the lingering cries of pain and betrayal from brutal shots fired. My soul is haunted by the attempts on ones own life, the blood i have not seen rolling down the arms and legs of so many, the screams and cries of desparation as somoene's life seems to be so bad, the tears seen and unseen from the pains of life. The metaphoric blood seeping out of my metaphoric wounds. I am a guardian, here to endure such suffering and to be there for those who are in need of guidance and assistance. Life can be hard, and can leave a very deep mark, completely rocking some peoples worlds. Am i doing what is right, or is all this suffering and mental strain all in vane

Darkness falls

The silver lining hidden from plain view, in a place that is slowly becoming unwelcoming. My soul bruised and bleeding, battered and scarred. I have been thrown into hell time and time again, coming back as battered, but not beaten. I have been through hell time and time again, and i am ready to go back through it all again. My warped soul and twisted mind scarred from battles of the past and haunting images of a brutal past. Haunting dreams casting a deep shadow on my remaining innocense and sanity, driving me closer and closer to the deepest of insanity. This will come to pass, but at this time I see the shadows of darkness slowly setting in again, to consume me one more time to try and bring down my spirits, try and drop a follower of the Lord. My soul has been beaten and battered, but my heart beats on. Please reach through this darkness, and pull me up, craddle my inner child... allow me to get reprieve. Show me that you care!!!!

In this mockery

I am sick of the shit they keep putting me through, its all the same. Words dont hurt me anymore, but the silences do. The lies and deciet hurt, the bloody wounds hurt, the battle after battle hurts. These blood stained hands hurt. My past has left me with these crimson hands, the pain i caused others, the lies, the manipulation. My past hurts me now know the immense pain i caused. The pang of loneliness always haunting me with its chilling grip. No matter how hard i try i remain branded by this painful mark, with only one person able to lessen its pain to almost non-existant. When she leaves, the loneliness rsurfaces, mocking me, and jeering at me. I know not to ask if it will ever end because reall it probably will never be TRULY gone. THis is a burden i have been given, God knows i can handle it. Maybe one day people with finally hear me out, maybe one day i will feel totally accepted, but untail that happens, i guess i just need to grit my teeth, pray, and carry on day by day till my dying breath...

As i burn

WHo is it that i am able to trust in this man and chaotic world? With these stinging wounds in my back of past stabbings a constant reminder of what people will do, will i be able to trust those around me again? An eternal torment on this place we call earth, a torment of betrayl and lies. WHo is being real with me? Who is putting up a mask to hide the grotesque  being threy truly are? Am i seeing what is real, or are my beliefs that people are fronting a reality? Why must a man who wants to be the best friend posisble seem to attract such hostility? My past is riddled with mistakes and lies, but that man is trying so hard to change, doing so well, yet people wont let go. Who is going to put up with me in hard times? Who is going to hold me to prevent me from falling> WIll you be one of those who hold me up, or will you let me fall and watch me burn?